You Are Not Entitled To Your Dog’s Affection

I am not a very affectionate person, I generally don’t like to be touched, and I really value having my personal space respected. I have had relationships fall apart because the other person could not respect my needs & insisted on touching me when I clearly expressed I did not want to be touched. It made me so uncomfortable that it dramatically affected my mental health and ability to trust people in all areas of my life. 

This idea in human society is well accepted. If someone doesn’t want to be touched we respect that (for the most part.) It typically doesn’t take an act of violence on the victims part to get the other person or onlookers to understand that they are uncomfortable.

So why do I have so many dog owners complaining to me that their dogs move away from them, growl, and try to bite them when they try to cuddle with them? Where is the disconnect? Why do they approach the situation as if it is the dog’s behavior that's an issue?

I don’t give my dogs affection unless they explicitly ask for it and they ask for it a lot. They ask for it because they trust me, they understand I respect their personal space and I will listen to their stress signs if they show discomfort while we are being affectionate to each other. When I first got my rescue dog he did not want any affection from me and I respected that. Over time he has become the most affectionate dog I own, regularly insisting I snuggle, hug, and hold him like a baby. I never would have guessed he would be this loving the first six months I had him. He needed to learn to trust me before he could be his true self with me and that meant I had to validate his perspective.

So next time you see your dog curled up in their dog bed, snoozing away, just look and marvel at their cuteness, refrain from touching, refrain from waking them. Think of how setting this boundary now will lead to more willing affection from them in the future.